Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
