Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
