I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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