the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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