i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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