I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
