he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
being pregnant is like rehab
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
