Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
