i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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