awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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