Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Randomize
