there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
