seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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