Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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