Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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