I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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