people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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