He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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