Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
