Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
