he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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