i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He did a backflip because drugs
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
