The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
