i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Boobs are out for the taking
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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