oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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