Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
