eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
