Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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