That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
