About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
