I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
