Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Your penis caused this!
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
