He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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