He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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