I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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