i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
