Your mouth is God's brothel.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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