Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
