just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
