...so i touched it.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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