Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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