I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
