I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
