I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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