Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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