Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
