Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
