I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
