I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Randomize
