he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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