You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
