and next time when you feel me up, do it right
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
