so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
